The Reality of International Marriage Part 1: Starting Life in the UK and What I Found Beyond the Dream
- Locus of Life
- Oct 10, 2025
- 7 min read
Updated: Apr 30
The Beginning of International Marriage and Life in the UK
Living abroad with someone you love.
For many people, those words may carry a sense of romance, hope, and quiet excitement.
Starting a new life in a different culture.
Building a future with someone you love, in a country far away from everything familiar.
I was one of those people who held a strong sense of longing for international marriage and life overseas.
But when that dream became my reality, I began to see that life abroad was not made only of beautiful moments or romantic images.
There were cultural differences.
There were unfamiliar systems.
There was a loneliness I could not easily explain.
And there was also the quiet, gradual change that began to happen within me as I tried to live in a foreign country.
In this three-part series, I would like to share my personal experience of moving to the UK through international marriage, and what I later learnt through married life, parenting, divorce proceedings, and the slow process of rebuilding myself.
In this first part, I will write about the beginning of my life in the UK, and the reality I found beyond the dream I had imagined.
Of course, not every international marriage follows the same path. Many people have happy and fulfilling cross-cultural marriages.
What I share here is simply my personal experience as a Japanese woman who moved to the UK through marriage.
Still, I hope that knowing “this kind of thing can also happen” may offer some quiet support to those who are considering international marriage, or to those who are already living abroad and silently struggling.
My Longing for Life Abroad and the Dream I Once Had
Since I was a child, I had always felt a strong fascination with foreign countries.
Whenever I travelled and came into contact with different cultures and people, my heart would lift, and something inside me felt inspired. Little by little, the thought grew within me:
“One day, I would love to live abroad.”
The World I Saw as a Flight Attendant
That longing eventually led me to become a flight attendant.
For me at that time, working as cabin crew and flying around the world felt like the perfect job. Once I began working, I was able to visit many different countries across Europe, Asia, and the Americas.
But no matter how beautiful the destinations were, I always returned to Japan after a few days.
The world you see through travel or short stays can be glamorous and exciting.
But it is very different from actually living in that country.
“I would love to truly experience life overseas one day.”
That feeling became stronger and stronger within me.
The Thought of Living Abroad One Day
I had also carried a quiet longing for marriage since I was young.
By the time I reached my twenties, I began to imagine that perhaps marrying someone from another country and living abroad could be a beautiful way to build a life.
Looking back now, I think I had a rather idealised image of international marriage.
If I could live overseas with someone I loved, surely everything would work out.
Cultural differences, I thought, could be overcome with love.
That was how I felt then, in a somewhat optimistic way.
Why I Decided to Move to the UK
To be honest, I did not have a particularly positive image of the UK at first.
The weather often seemed grey, and at that time I did not find the food especially appealing. When I used to fly to London more than twenty years ago, I rarely came across meals that made me think, “This is really delicious.”
Still, there were parts of Britain that quietly drew me in.
Afternoon tea.
The charm of British streets.
The beauty of the countryside.
I also used English for work, so I did not feel especially worried about the language.
The Hope of Living Abroad with Someone I Loved
When I met my former husband, I was living in Japan and he was living in the UK.
Not long after we met, he said to me, “Why don’t you move to the UK?”
From there, the conversation naturally moved towards marriage.
There was also the possibility of him coming to Japan. But because I had more experience abroad, we thought I would probably adapt more easily to life in the UK. So I decided to be the one to move.
“I can live overseas with someone I love.”
That thought alone filled my heart.
The Small Signs I Did Not See Clearly
Looking back, I can now see that I did not pay enough attention to the small signs that were already there.
His lifestyle.
His values.
His attitude towards money.
His view of family.
In an international marriage, these things often become very important later on.
But at that time, I was carried by hope and excitement. Without thinking too deeply, I moved to the UK in April 2002.
The Reality I Faced After Moving to the UK
I was fortunate that Japan Airlines was recruiting London-based cabin crew at that time, which allowed me to continue my career after moving to the UK.
Having a job gave me a great deal of support.
But daily life itself was very different from life in Japan.
I found myself surprised and unsettled by many things.
Transport, Healthcare, and Everyday Procedures
One of the first things I noticed was how inconvenient transport could be.
Public transport here was not as punctual or reliable as I had been used to in Japan. In the early days of my marriage, I had to travel from Norfolk, where my husband lived, to Heathrow Airport. There was even one occasion when it took me seven hours to get home.
The healthcare system was also a major culture shock for me.
Unlike in Japan, I could not simply choose a hospital or doctor in the same way. Even when going to A&E, there could be a very long wait. And even after being seen, I sometimes felt that the aftercare was not as attentive as I had expected.
Opening a bank account, arranging housing, and dealing with contracts were also difficult to manage on my own. I often needed my husband’s help.
Until then, I had worked independently and felt capable in my own life. So feeling that I could not manage things by myself here brought a deep sense of helplessness.
The Loneliness I Felt, Even Though I Could Speak English
Because I had used English at work, I assumed I would be fine living in an English-speaking country.
But in reality, even though I could manage one-to-one conversations, it was not easy to follow group conversations.
Jokes.
Fast speech.
Regional accents.
Topics that required cultural background knowledge.
Little by little, the things I did not understand began to accumulate. Eventually, I started to avoid social situations.
Because I could return to Japan through my work, part of me began to think, “Perhaps I don’t need to make friends in the UK.”
But without realising it, that choice slowly deepened my sense of isolation.
Even so, my work as a flight attendant continued to support my self-esteem.
When I put on my uniform and stood at the airport, I could still feel, “I have a role. I still belong somewhere.”
The Gap Between the Marriage I Had Imagined and the Reality
There were also financial worries within the marriage.
My former husband was a hardworking person, but there were times when he lost his job, and his income was not always stable. Having grown up in Japan, where the idea of long-term employment was still quite strong, the instability of changing jobs or losing work came as a real shock to me.
As a result, there were periods when I became the main earner in the household.
After we married, I also discovered that he had debts. Some of those were paid from the savings I had brought with me from Japan.
Even then, I did not think about leaving the marriage.
“I want to support him.”
“I do not want to go back to Japan. I want to keep going here.”
That was how I felt.
The reality of my marriage was very different from the one I had dreamt of. But he also had a kind side. There were moments when he cared for me and showed real consideration.
That is why I often said to him, “Because we come from different cultures and backgrounds, we need to talk about everything.”
I tried to value communication as much as I could.
What I Began to See Between the Dream and the Reality
This was how my international marriage and life in the UK began.
The overseas life I had entered with so much longing was much harder than I had imagined.
And yet, within that difficulty, I also began to meet parts of myself that I had not truly known before.
Life abroad is not only exciting or beautiful.
A cross-cultural marriage, too, cannot always be sustained by love alone.
But at the same time, these experiences can help us notice our own values, our needs, and what truly matters to us.
If you are now living abroad or in an international marriage and quietly thinking, “This is not what I had imagined,” please try not to blame yourself too much.
Feeling unsettled by the gap between your dream and your reality is a very natural response.
It does not mean you are weak.
Living in a foreign country can place many invisible burdens on the heart.
In Part 2, I will write about the joy of having my long-awaited son, the reality of parenting in a foreign country, and how the distance between us as a couple gradually deepened.
🌿 A Small First Step for You: A Free 30-Minute Online Initial Session
The confusion and loneliness that can come with international marriage or life abroad may seem small from the outside.
But when cultural differences, language barriers, unfamiliar systems, and quiet loneliness build up little by little, the heart can become far more tired than we realise.
“Is this really something I can talk about?”
“I’m not sure I can explain it properly.”
“I haven’t even worked out how I feel yet.”
If any of these thoughts feel familiar, please know that it is completely okay.
If you have been trying so hard to manage life abroad on your own, reaching out for support may feel especially difficult.
But you do not need to have your feelings neatly arranged before you come.
You do not need to wait until things feel serious enough.
This free 30-minute online initial session is a gentle, pressure-free space where you can begin to put your feelings into words, at your own pace.
If one day you find yourself thinking,
“Maybe I could talk to someone, just a little,”
please feel welcome to come and rest here for a while.
[🔽 Book your free 30-minute online initial session here]
※ If you simply want to get a sense of how it feels, or if you are still unsure, you are very welcome to use this time gently and without any pressure.
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