Finding Your Roots While Living Abroad : Growing Into Yourself Across Cultures
- Locus of Life
- Nov 27, 2024
- 7 min read
Updated: Jul 22
Living abroad can open the door to unfamiliar places, different values and ways of seeing the world that you may never have encountered before.
You learn another language, become familiar with local customs and gradually make space for perspectives that differ from your own.
This is one of the great gifts of living in another country.
Yet, as you stretch towards a new environment and try to find your place within it, you may sometimes find yourself pausing.
“Which way of thinking should I hold on to?”
“Can I adapt to the place where I live and still remain true to myself?”
“Am I moving in the right direction?”
Living abroad without losing your sense of self may involve more than simply taking in everything new.
It may also mean turning your attention towards the unseen roots within you.
I think of those roots as the parts of your life that have quietly shaped who you are.
Finding Your Roots While Living Abroad
I sometimes think of a person’s inner life as a tree.
A tree reaches upwards, extending its branches and opening its leaves towards the sky.
The further its branches spread, the more light it can receive.
At the same time, it is exposed to strong winds, changing seasons and unpredictable weather.
What allows it to remain standing is not only what can be seen above the ground.
It is also supported by the roots beneath it.
Life abroad can feel much the same.
Learning a new language.
Building relationships across cultural differences.
Discovering unfamiliar approaches to work, family and everyday life.
These experiences can feel like extending your branches into a much wider world.
Your world may expand, and you may discover possibilities within yourself that you had not previously imagined.
Yet when so much energy is spent adapting, growing and reaching outwards, it is also possible to become emotionally tired.
At those times, it may help to remember the roots that continue to hold you.
Your Roots Are More Than Where You Come From
The word “roots” may bring nationality, birthplace or family history to mind.
Of course, these can all be meaningful parts of where we come from.
But our roots are not limited to them.
They are also shaped by the kind of environment in which we grew up.
The words we heard.
The ways in which we learnt to relate to other people.
What we came to see as beautiful.
The experiences that moved us, and the places or relationships in which we felt safe.
The values, experiences and human connections that have developed throughout our lives also become part of our roots.
For example:
Taking time to consider another person’s point of view.
Trying to act with integrity, even when nobody notices.
What you learnt through detours and unexpected turns.
The people who became important to you along the way.
The values that gradually grew through mistakes, disappointment and difficult experiences.
All of these things come together to form the roots that support the person you are today.
You may not consciously think about them very often.
Even so, they quietly influence your choices, your relationships and the way you make sense of the world.
Your roots are not something you left behind in the past.
They are part of the foundation that supports you now and helps you consider where you would like to go next.
Embracing a New Culture Does Not Mean Leaving Yourself Behind
When I first began living in the UK, there were many times when I felt that I needed to adapt more fully to British culture.
Things that had seemed natural to me in Japan did not always make sense here.
People related to one another differently.
Personal space felt different.
Opinions were expressed in different ways.
Whenever something did not go well, I sometimes felt that it was my own way of thinking that needed to change.
During that time, I think there were moments when I quietly placed the part of me that had grown up in Japan to one side.
Over many years of living abroad, however, I gradually came to understand something important.
Embracing a new culture and letting go of your roots are not the same thing.
Valuing your roots does not mean rejecting the culture of the country in which you now live.
In fact, when you become clearer about what matters to you, it can become easier to meet cultural differences with greater steadiness.
When you have a sense of your own foundation, encountering a different point of view may no longer feel as though your whole self is being questioned or dismissed.
You can remain curious about another culture without abandoning yourself in the process.
When You Are Unsure Which Direction to Grow
As you extend your branches into a new life abroad, there may be times when you no longer know which direction to take.
Should you continue to value what you learnt in your home country?
Or should you adopt the way of thinking that is more common where you now live?
Should you protect what has always mattered to you?
Or move towards a new possibility that has appeared?
You may feel caught between returning to your roots and following a newly growing branch.
But perhaps you do not need to separate the two or make an immediate choice.
You might begin by turning towards the roots that support you.
You could gently ask yourself:
“What truly matters to me?”
“When do I feel most like myself?”
“What do I genuinely enjoy?”
“How would I like to live from this point onwards?”
For a moment, you can step back from other people’s expectations and from what is considered “normal” in the country around you.
You can listen instead for what is present within you.
Then you can look again at the branch you are trying to grow.
Does it connect with what matters to you?
Is it moving towards something you care about or genuinely wish to explore?
Or are you forcing it to grow because you want to be accepted, approved of or seen as someone who has adapted successfully?
When the direction of your branches begins to align with what lies within your roots, the way forward may gradually become clearer.
Sometimes the answer is not something that needs to be given to you from the outside. It may already be taking shape within you.
When you feel uncertain, there may be no need to choose a branch in a hurry.
You can return to your roots first.
From there, you may begin to recognise which branch you truly want to grow.
You Do Not Have to Grow Every Branch
A tree does not grow every branch in exactly the same way.
Some branches move towards the light.
Others stop growing.
At certain times of year, the tree lets go of its leaves.
Perhaps our lives are not so different.
You do not need to make every opportunity that comes with living abroad part of your life.
A path that looks impressive or desirable to others may not be right for you.
You are not required to continue something simply because you have already invested time and effort in it.
Letting go of a branch that is no longer connected to your roots is not necessarily a failure.
It may be a way of giving more energy to what is genuinely important to you.
What would you like to keep?
What may be ready to be released?
Rather than measuring those decisions by the approval of others, you might begin to measure them against your own roots.
In doing so, you may find a way of growing that fits you more naturally, even while living across cultures.
Your Roots Are There to Support You, Not Restrict You
Valuing your roots can sometimes sound as though you are returning to the past or refusing to change.
But roots are not there to hold a tree in one fixed shape.
They are what allow its branches to grow freely.
Because the tree is rooted, it can extend itself towards the open sky.
In much the same way, understanding where you come from and what you have come to value can give you the security to change.
The person you became in your home culture.
The new ideas you have encountered abroad.
The joy, loss, difficulty and growth you have experienced along the way.
All of these belong to the person you are now.
You do not have to choose one part and reject the rest.
You can care for your roots while continuing to grow new branches.
Perhaps that ongoing process is part of what it means to live as yourself.
Living Abroad Without Losing Yourself
Living abroad often requires flexibility.
There may be many situations in which you need to adjust to unfamiliar customs, language and expectations simply to take part in everyday life.
But when adapting begins to feel tiring, you might pause and return your attention to your roots.
What do I truly want to protect?
When do I feel calm and at ease?
What kind of life feels right for me?
You may not find the answers immediately.
But by spending time with your roots, you may gradually begin to understand whether the branches you are growing still belong to you.
A tree continues to deepen its roots even as its appearance changes with each season.
In the same way, you can continue to change and grow within another culture while still caring for the parts of yourself that have shaped you.
Keeping your roots while allowing your branches to grow.
Perhaps holding both is one way of living abroad without losing yourself.
A tree does not become fully grown overnight.
The time spent putting down roots matters just as much as the time spent growing outwards.
Finding your roots is not something that happens all at once.
It is often a quiet process of recognising what has quietly shaped who you are.
Perhaps it is enough simply to care for your roots and allow your own branches to grow, in their own time.
🌿 A Small Step for You: Free 30-Minute Online Session
Living abroad can sometimes leave you wondering whether what you are feeling is “serious enough” to talk about, and you may continue carrying it on your own.
But you do not need to have everything clearly understood or neatly organised before speaking with someone.
Even when it is difficult to put your feelings into words, talking can sometimes help things become clearer little by little.
People who have worked hard to adapt to life abroad often become used to putting the needs of others before their own feelings.
If you find yourself thinking, even briefly, “Perhaps I would like to talk to someone,” you are welcome to come just as you are.
At Locus of Life, I offer a calm space where you can speak safely and at your own pace.
[🔽 Book your free 30-minute online session here]
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