The Difficulty of Expressing Emotions in a Foreign Language | When Your True Feelings Don’t Quite Come Across Abroad
- Locus of Life
- Mar 20
- 5 min read
Updated: May 23
Living abroad, you gradually become used to using another language in everyday life.
You do the food shopping.
You speak to colleagues or teachers.
You book appointments.
You have small conversations with neighbours.
Over time, these everyday things can begin to bring a quiet sense of confidence.
You start to think:
"Maybe I really can build a life here."
But being able to manage daily life
and expressing emotions in a foreign language may not be quite the same thing.
Particularly when it comes to more delicate feelings
— sadness, loneliness, anxiety, emptiness, or that difficult-to-explain sense of feeling unsettled.
You might think:
"I've said what I mean... but somehow it doesn't feel quite right."
And perhaps that feeling is not simply about language ability.
Today, I’d like to talk a little about what it can feel like to express emotions
while living in a language that is not your own.
Expressing emotions in a foreign language is different from everyday conversation
When people talk about life abroad,
language often becomes a measure of how well we are coping.
Can you speak English?
Can you manage work?
Can you handle everyday life?
Of course those things matter.
But when it comes to emotional expression, we often need a different kind of language.
"What exactly am I feeling?"
"Why does this feel so heavy?"
"What do I wish someone understood?"
Putting those inner experiences into words can feel very different
from ordering coffee or attending a meeting.
You may be perfectly comfortable speaking English for daily life.
Then suddenly, when it comes to your feelings, the words seem to disappear.
Perhaps that feeling sounds familiar.
Why you can feel “heard”, but still not fully understood
Sometimes, when expressing emotions in a foreign language,
the conversation itself seems perfectly normal — yet something still feels missing.
"That's not exactly what I mean."
"It's more complicated than that."
"Something feels slightly off."
That feeling can be difficult to explain.
Emotional words carry subtle meanings
Take the word tired, for example.
In our native language, we often use many different expressions without even noticing.
"I'm tired."
"I'm fed up."
"I'm emotionally drained."
"I'm running on empty."
"I don't have much left in me."
They sound similar, but they are not the same.
One may describe physical exhaustion.
Another may describe emotional fatigue.
Another may come from feeling worn down by relationships or responsibilities.
The words change, and so does the shape of the feeling itself.
Even in English, phrases like "I'm tired" and "I'm fed up" carry different shades of meaning.
But sometimes there are feelings that feel very clear inside us:
a quiet sadness,
the exhaustion of holding yourself together for too long,
or that tender, raw feeling when something has hurt you.
You know what you mean inside, but when you try to speak in another language,
it can be difficult to find words that fit perfectly.
And then something strange can happen.
The words may come out, but it can feel as though part of your feelings has been left behind.
That is the feeling I mean.
Searching for words can pull you away from your feelings
When speaking another language, many of us are quietly translating in our minds.
"How do I say this?"
"Is that the right expression?"
"Am I explaining this properly?"
And while we are doing that, we can slowly move away from what we were originally feeling.
Maybe you were simply lonely.
Maybe you were simply sad.
Maybe you just wanted someone to understand.
But somewhere along the way, the focus shifts.
Instead of feeling the emotion itself, we become busy trying to explain it correctly.
And suddenly we are speaking, while feeling slightly disconnected from ourselves at the same time.
What I noticed when I received counselling in English
This may sound surprising, but I have received counselling myself.
Counsellors are people too.
There are times when we also need space to make sense of our own thoughts and feelings.
When I was receiving counselling in English, I sometimes found myself thinking:
"Something isn't quite right."
"That's not what I really mean."
"I don't feel as though I'm saying what I actually want to say."
It wasn't because I couldn't speak English.
I had already lived in the UK for many years and used English every day.
But when it came to deeper emotions, something felt different.
I could explain things.
I could describe situations.
But the emotional weight, the subtle shifts, the texture of what I felt
— those things seemed harder to translate.
Through that experience, I found myself wondering:
Perhaps we do not simply want to speak in a language we know.
Perhaps we want to speak in a language where our feelings can fully exist.
Speaking your native language can become a secure base
In psychology, there is a term called a secure base.
A place we can return to.
A place where we feel safe enough to be ourselves.
And that place is not always physical.
Sometimes it is a relationship.
Sometimes it is a quiet moment.
And sometimes, speaking in our native language can become a secure base too.
Living abroad often means carrying many small efforts every day.
Choosing words carefully.
Reading social situations.
Navigating cultural differences.
Trying not to be misunderstood.
And within all of that, being able to simply say:
"I'm tired."
"I'm lonely."
"I wish someone understood."
can feel far more comforting than we realise.
✨ A Small Way to Care for Yourself
If life abroad has been feeling emotionally heavy lately,
one small place to begin may be writing down your feelings in your native language.
No one else needs to read it.
Even:
"I'm tired."
can be enough.
And then perhaps gently asking:
"Tired from what?"
"What did I wish someone had understood?"
The goal isn't to explain yourself perfectly.
It is simply to give yourself a space where your feelings do not need to be organised straight away.
Final thoughts
When you find yourself thinking:
"I don't feel as though I'm expressing myself properly."
"People hear me, but I don't feel understood."
it can be easy to assume:
"Perhaps I just need better language skills."
But that may not always be the case.
Expressing emotions is not only about vocabulary.
It is deeply connected to comfort, memory, and the language in which we have lived our lives.
If your feelings feel a little difficult to reach right now, there is no need to rush.
Even quietly asking yourself:
"What am I feeling at this moment?"
can be enough.
Our native language often carries a sense of safety
— a place where feelings can be spoken just as they are.
And perhaps, when living far from home, we sometimes need space not for the right words,
but simply for our own words.
🌿 A Small Step for You: Free 30-Minute Online Session
Sometimes, when living abroad, there are feelings sitting quietly inside us
that never seem to come out quite the way we want them to.
You do not need to explain things perfectly.
You do not need to have everything figured out.
If a part of you is thinking,
"I’d just like a space where I can talk and feel like myself for a little while,"
you are warmly welcome here.
[🔽 Book your free 30-minute online session here]
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