Communication While Living Abroad: How Expressing Yourself Can Protect Your Wellbeing
- Locus of Life
- Jul 31
- 6 min read
Communication while living abroad can sometimes feel confusing, especially when people express themselves in ways that are different from what you have been used to.
You may find yourself wondering:
“Why did they say it like that?”
“Have I done something wrong?”
“Perhaps they do not like me.”
Part of you may understand that the other person probably did not mean to upset you.
Yet emotionally, it can still be difficult to let the moment go.
When I first began living in the UK, I experienced this many times.
Over the years, however, I came to understand something important.
The reason I felt hurt was not that my English was inadequate. Nor was it because I was somehow unsuited to living abroad.
The unspoken rules of communication were simply different from the ones I had grown up with.
Understanding Communication While Living Abroad
Growing up in Japan, I learnt to pay close attention to other people.
Consideration, sensitivity and an awareness of the atmosphere around us were valued.
We were often expected to notice what had not been said, to anticipate how someone might feel and to express our own needs with a certain degree of restraint.
For many people, this creates a way of relating in which much of the meaning is communicated indirectly.
When someone’s words sound slightly sharp, or their response feels brief or distant, it can therefore be natural to look for the cause within ourselves.
“Did I upset them?”
“Was I too demanding?”
“Should I have behaved differently?”
Of course, communication styles vary enormously between individuals, regions and cultures.
There is no single way that everyone in Britain, Japan or any other country communicates.
Still, one difference I have often noticed during my years in the UK is that stating a personal view directly is generally regarded as a normal part of conversation.
Someone might say:
“I do not agree.”
“I cannot do that today.”
“That is not how I see it.”
These statements may sound strong to someone who is used to more indirect communication.
Yet they are not necessarily intended as a rejection of the other person.
Often, they simply mean:
“This is my view.”
In my early years abroad, I did not always recognise that distinction. I sometimes heard a difference of opinion as a judgement of me.
Communication While Living Abroad Can Feel Personal
When we do not realise that different communication styles are at work, ordinary exchanges can become emotionally exhausting.
We may feel hurt even when no offence was intended. We may believe that we are always the one making compromises.
We may begin to question whether we are too sensitive, too quiet or simply not good enough at living abroad.
Over time, I learnt to pause and ask myself:
“Is this really a rejection of me, or is this person simply expressing a different view?”
That small pause helped me take some of the emotional weight out of difficult interactions.
It also allowed me to consider another possibility: perhaps I, too, was allowed to have an opinion.
Perhaps I could express what I thought or felt without assuming that the relationship would immediately fall apart.
This was one of the most important changes I experienced through living abroad.
Expressing Your Feelings Can Be a Form of Self-Protection
When I first moved to the UK, I often stayed silent when something made me uncomfortable.
At the time, I believed this was the mature thing to do.
I would tell myself:
“They probably have their reasons.”
“It is not important enough to mention.”
“I should simply let it go.”
So I would say nothing and carry on.
Yet the experience did not really end when I left the room.
Later, I would replay the conversation in my mind.
“Why did they speak to me like that?”
“Did I handle it badly?”
“Should I have said something?”
A single exchange could remain with me for days.
Eventually, I realised that the hardest part was not always the incident itself.
What hurt most was carrying it alone afterwards.
Simply swallowing my feelings did not make them disappear.
The discomfort remained inside me, even when the other person had probably moved on.
Once I understood this, I began to experiment with putting some of my feelings into words.
This was not about winning an argument or proving that I was right.
Sometimes, it was simply a matter of saying:
“I felt uncomfortable when that happened.”
“I would prefer something different.”
“I need a little time to think.”
By speaking, I was trying not to abandon my own experience.
The other person might not change. They might not agree with me.
But when I gave my feelings a voice, something inside me often felt a little lighter.
I began to see that expressing myself was not necessarily about changing somebody else.
It could also be a way of protecting my own emotional wellbeing.
What If Speaking Up Does Not Come Naturally?
It is easy to say,
“You should express your feelings.”
Doing it can be much harder.
I still do not consider myself naturally assertive. Speaking clearly about what I need does not always come easily.
But expressing yourself does not have to mean confronting someone forcefully or using harsh language.
Gentle words can still be clear.
For example:
“Could I have a little time to think about that?”
“I do not think I can manage that today.”
“This is how the situation felt to me.”
“Could you explain that a little more?”
These may seem like small sentences, but they can create space for your experience to exist within the conversation.
The aim is not to speak perfectly.
It is to stop automatically pushing your feelings aside.
I now believe that expressing what you feel is not necessarily something that damages a relationship.
Sometimes, it is part of maintaining a healthier relationship with yourself.
You Do Not Have to Let Go of Who You Are
This may raise another concern:
“Do I need to become more like the people around me?”
I do not believe that you do.
When I first began living in Britain, I sometimes thought:
“There is something wrong with me because I cannot be more direct.”
“I have to change if I am going to cope here.”
I repeatedly tried to reject parts of myself that had once helped me relate to others.
But the more I denied those parts of myself, the more confused I became.
If the way I had always connected with people was wrong, then how was I supposed to behave?
I went around this emotional loop many times before understanding that I did not need to erase who I was.
The ability to consider another person’s feelings is not a weakness.
Sensitivity, thoughtfulness and an awareness of the atmosphere around us can be deeply valuable qualities.
They do not need to be abandoned.
What I needed was not to become a completely different person.
I needed to keep those qualities while finding the courage to make a little more room for my own voice.
Sometimes, the next step is not a dramatic act of confidence.
It is simply saying one honest sentence while remaining true to who you are.
Final Thoughts
Living abroad can challenge far more than our language skills.
It can unsettle the ways we understand relationships, disagreement, belonging and even ourselves.
If you sometimes feel deeply affected by conversations that others seem able to dismiss, it does not mean that you are weak or unsuited to life abroad.
You may simply be learning to navigate different ways of communicating across cultures.
I have had to stop, reflect and learn many times during my life in the UK.
I've come to realise that there isn't one "right" way to approach communication while living abroad.
Perhaps what matters most is staying true to who you are while gently learning to understand the differences between yourself and the people around you.
Understanding others matters.
But understanding and respecting your own feelings matters too.
I hope this article has offered a gentle reminder that you do not have to reject who you are in order to adapt.
You may only need to give your own feelings a little more space.
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When you're living abroad, putting your own feelings aside can quietly become a habit.
"I can cope with this."
"They probably have their own reasons."
"Perhaps I'm just being too sensitive."
Before you know it, you may become so used to reassuring yourself that you lose touch with what you're really feeling.
If reading this article made you pause and think,
"Perhaps that's me."
I hope you won't simply let that feeling pass by.
Becoming aware of your feelings—and finding the words to express them—is one way of taking care of yourself.
Counselling isn't only for people facing a major crisis.
Sometimes, it's simply a space to pause and ask yourself,
"What am I really feeling right now?"
It's a place where we can explore that question together, gently and without judgement.
If there are feelings that still seem difficult to put into words on your own, I'd be honoured to help you find those words.
You don't need to have everything figured out.
You don't need to explain things perfectly.
It doesn't have to be a serious problem.
Many people living abroad carry things on their own for a long time.
This is a pressure-free space.
You can come simply because you'd like someone to talk to.
[🔽 Book your free 30-minute online session here]
If you'd simply like to get a sense of the space first, that's absolutely okay too.
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