Japanese Values Abroad: What Tatsu tori ato wo nigosazu Taught Me About Respect
- Locus of Life
- 2 days ago
- 8 min read
Have you ever noticed how living abroad can make you question values
you once took for granted?
Sometimes it happens through a large cultural difference.
Sometimes it happens in a small, everyday moment.
And sometimes, unexpectedly, it happens while watching something as public
as an international football tournament.
Although Japan were unfortunately knocked out of this year's World Cup, whenever the tournament comes around, there is often another story that quietly receives attention, quite apart from the football itself.
Japanese supporters tidying up the stadium after a match.
Japanese players and staff leaving the changing room clean, with a message of thanks,
sometimes with paper cranes placed carefully on the table.
When these scenes are shared overseas, people often say, "Japanese people are amazing."
Of course, hearing that makes me feel proud.
But at the same time, I often feel something slightly different.
Perhaps for many Japanese people, as for me, these actions do not feel like
something extraordinary.
They feel close to something we grew up with.
Clearing away the rubbish we have made.
Leaving a place as clean as possible.
Thinking about the next person who will use it.
Expressing gratitude not only in words, but through action.
These are not things done in order to be praised.
They are things many of us were quietly taught through everyday life.
Living abroad has made me reflect more deeply on the Japanese values
that quietly shaped the way I live.
One Japanese saying captures those values particularly well:
Tatsu tori ato wo nigosazu.
Literally, it means, "A bird does not foul the nest it is leaving."
The idea is that when we leave a place, we do so with care, gratitude and respect.
I do not remember being formally taught this as a rule.
Rather, I feel I absorbed it gradually, through the way people around me behaved
and through the values I grew up with.
A Difference in Values That Once Confused Me
I have written about this before, but there was one moment in the UK that stayed with me.
I was eating in a fast-food restaurant with my former husband.
After we had finished, I began to clear away our rubbish and trays.
He said something like,
“Don’t do that. If you tidy it up, the people who clean won’t have a job.”
I remember feeling confused.
For me, clearing up after myself felt completely natural.
But at that time, I did not yet have a strong sense of my own values.
I wondered,
“Is that how people think here?”
“Am I the one who is wrong?”
I noticed a similar difference in values during the World Cup too.
I learnt that the actions of Japanese supporters and players were not always viewed positively. Some people saw them as taking work away from cleaners, or even as a kind of performance.
In the article, one Japanese supporter said:
"This isn't simply about cleaning. It's a way of showing respect to the players, the supporters,
and the host countries that welcomed us."
Those words resonated deeply with me.
At the same time, I also realise that for people who grew up in different cultures and environments, that feeling may not be easy to understand or share.
And the same can be true even among Japanese people.
Not everyone holds the same values.
When you live abroad, things that once felt obvious can suddenly become less certain.
Culture is different.
Ways of thinking are different.
The distance between people, behaviour in public spaces, and even the way gratitude is expressed can differ.
Each time I encountered these differences, I gradually began to question some of the values I had carried with me.
Now, however, I no longer see this as a question of who is right or wrong.
I see it as a difference in what each person values.
And that is why understanding what I truly want to value has become so important to me.
The Japanese Values Behind Tatsu tori ato wo nigosazu
Looking back now, I would say something different to my younger self.
I want to clean up after myself.
Not because I want to take away someone’s job.
But because I feel grateful for the space I have used,
and because I want to show consideration for the next person.
If clearing up after myself reduces some of the time and effort needed,
perhaps the people working there can spend that time on other important parts of their work.
To me, this is not about taking away someone’s role.
It is about respecting one another’s presence and showing that respect through action.
It is also deeply connected to something I value very much as a counsellor:
recognising the dignity of each person.
There is, for me, an important sense of equality in this.
If I think,
“There is someone whose job it is to clean, so I can leave this mess,”
or,
“Someone else will deal with it later, so I do not need to care,”
then something about that does not sit comfortably with my values.
Of course, I have great respect for people whose work keeps public spaces clean.
In fact, because of their work, those spaces are safe, usable and cared for.
That is precisely why I want to do my own small part.
To me, that is not denying someone’s role.
It is not taking their work for granted.
All people have equal worth.
No matter what work someone does, their value as a person does not become higher or lower.
That is why I want to continue living with the belief that I take responsibility for what I leave behind.
Not Because Japan Is Perfect
What I want to say here is not that Japanese people are wonderful simply
because they are Japanese.
Japan, of course, has many things that can be questioned or improved.
And living in the UK has taught me so much.
Respecting personal freedom.
Having my own opinion.
Saying “no” clearly when needed.
These have all been important lessons for me.
So this is not about one culture being right and another being wrong.
But after living abroad and encountering many different values, I have come to realise again
how much the care, gratitude and thoughtfulness I naturally received in Japan still support me now.
These are values I want to continue carrying.
Why Am I Living in the UK?
During a time when I had lost sight of myself, I often asked myself,
“Why am I here in the UK?”
Of course, I had a young son.
Leaving him behind and returning to Japan was never something I could do.
But beyond that, I was also searching for a sense of meaning.
What am I doing here?
What do I want to value while living in this country?
Those questions stayed quietly inside me for a long time.
At some point, I began to think:
One person’s power may be small.
Perhaps I cannot change society in any large way.
But I can still value respect.
I can still hold gratitude.
I can still choose not to live only for myself, but to think a little about the next person.
Even in a strongly individualistic culture, I wanted to continue living with those values.
And perhaps, in my own small way, I could express the values
I had naturally received in Japan through my everyday actions.
I do not want to force anyone to change.
I do not want to say that the Japanese way is always right.
But if I treat someone with respect and gratitude, perhaps something of that may remain with them.
And perhaps that person may then pass a little of the same kindness to someone else.
That was the quiet circle I began to hope for.
Even If Someone Says It Is Impossible
I once spoke about this with a friend in the UK.
The response was,
“That’s impossible. Other people tried to do that too, but they all gave up.”
I understand why someone might say that.
The world does not change easily.
People's values rarely change overnight.
Sometimes, speaking or acting alone can feel as if it makes no difference at all.
But I have come to feel that perhaps this is still enough.
I do not need to change things loudly.
I do not need to correct anyone.
I only need to continue practising what matters to me quietly, in my own daily life.
That, in itself, has meaning.
I am not like the Japanese football supporters who are noticed around the world.
I am not like the national team players whose actions are seen by many people.
But I can still care for the person in front of me.
I can still live according to what I believe matters.
And over time, those small actions become part of who I am.
Living With Your Own Values
There was a time when I was easily shaken by other people’s words.
“Maybe I am wrong.”
“Maybe I need to adapt to this culture completely.”
I questioned my own instincts many times.
But now, I see things differently.
I do not need to make everything Japanese.
I have learned so much from living in the UK.
But I also do not need to abandon the values I have carried with me.
From a counselling perspective,
knowing our own values can become an important part of emotional stability.
When we are making choices.
When we are relating to others.
When we encounter unfairness, coldness or misunderstanding.
Having an inner sense of what matters to us can help us
feel less easily pulled away from ourselves.
This is not the same as being rigid.
It is not about rejecting other people.
In fact, when we know our own values, we may be able to meet people
with different values without losing ourselves so easily.
Since I began to live in this way, I feel I have become less uncertain.
Instead of being carried away by someone else’s words or by the atmosphere around me,
I ask myself,
“What kind of person do I want to be?”
Living abroad helped me realise the importance of what I had naturally received in Japan.
One part of that is the value held in the saying Tatsu tori ato wo nigosazu.
For me, it is not only about leaving a physical space clean.
It is about respecting others, remembering gratitude,
and imagining how our actions may affect someone else.
It is a way of living.
Today, it has become one of the principles that keeps me grounded.
I want to keep living by it, quietly, through my everyday actions.
Not to change anyone.
Not to prove that one culture is better than another.
Simply to live in a way that feels true to who I am.
And if, somewhere along the way, those small actions inspire someone else to pass on the same kindness, then perhaps that is one of the reasons I am here.
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Living abroad can sometimes make you question values that once felt natural to you.
You may wonder,
“Am I wrong?”
“Should I simply adapt?”
“How do I want to live?”
You do not need to have everything figured out before talking to someone.
You do not need to explain your thoughts perfectly.
And it does not have to be a serious problem.
Many people living abroad carry these quiet questions alone for a long time.
At Locus of Life, I offer a safe, calm, confidential and pressure-free space
where you can gently explore identity, relationships, loneliness, cultural adjustment
and emotional wellbeing while living overseas.
You can come simply because you would like someone to talk to.
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If you would simply like to get a sense of the space first, that is absolutely okay too.
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