Living Abroad: Before You Carry It All Alone, the True Power of Talking in Counselling
- Locus of Life
- Apr 18
- 7 min read
Updated: Apr 20
“I have worries, but counselling feels like a bit much...”
Have you been feeling this way while carrying everything on your own in a foreign country?
“Will simply talking really change anything?”
“I’m an adult. I should be able to sort this out myself.”
“Isn’t asking for help just a sign of weakness?”
Many people keep pushing themselves right to the edge, telling themselves they just need to be stronger.
Before I studied psychology and began working as a counsellor here in the UK, I used to think exactly the same way.
I believed it was shameful not to be able to manage my own mind. So I kept everything to myself and struggled alone in the dark.
But after studying psychology and sitting with hundreds of people and their stories, I can now say this with certainty.
Talking is not a sign of weakness.
It is a deeply important and courageous process of gently untangling the knots in your mind, one thread at a time.
In this article, I would like to gently explore the question, “Does counselling really help?” from a psychological perspective.
I hope it offers even a little comfort to those who have been carrying too much on their own.
“Will Just Talking Really Help?” For Those Carrying Their Worries Alone
Before becoming a counsellor, I used to feel the same way
When people are struggling, many hesitate and wonder, “Is this really serious enough to ask for help?”
As I once did, sincere and hard-working people often set very high standards for themselves.
But through my work in psychology and counselling, I have come to realise that there is a limit to how much we can heal on our own.
This is not because you are incapable. It is simply part of how the human mind and brain work.
The silent pressure of life abroad: “I shouldn’t show weakness”
People living abroad, or in international relationships and marriages, often carry an invisible pressure to be strong.
“I chose this life abroad, so I shouldn’t complain.”
“I don’t want to worry my family back in Japan.”
Living with cultural differences, language barriers, distance from loved ones, and questions about work or identity can be far more emotionally draining than it appears from the outside.
What matters here is not the size of the problem, but the nature of what you are carrying.
Your pain does not have to look dramatic to deserve care.
You may simply feel unsettled.
You may feel lonely.
You may feel like something inside you has become tangled and hard to name.
Counselling offers a safe and professional space to look at those feelings together.
The Difference Between Talking to Friends and Counselling
Why talking to friends can still leave you feeling stuck
You may wonder, “If it’s only about talking, couldn’t I just speak to a friend or family member?”
Being listened to by someone close to you can be a beautiful thing. But perhaps you have experienced moments like these:
・“You’re overthinking it.”
・“Why don’t you just do this?”
・Before you know it, the conversation turns into the other person’s story.
・They mean well, but somehow you leave feeling even more guilty or misunderstood.
Often, this frustration comes from the fact that people who care about you naturally want to solve the problem for you.
Their kindness is real. But sometimes that desire to fix things can get in the way of you being able to understand your feelings in your own time.
Why a counsellor chooses to listen first
Counselling is a different kind of space.
A counsellor tries to step into your world and see things through your eyes.
・Without judging
・Without criticising
・Without rushing to offer advice
・By listening carefully and fully
This is not the same as doing nothing.
It means walking alongside you while you begin to understand your own mind more clearly.
In counselling, you do not need to protect anyone, explain yourself perfectly, or become someone more acceptable.
You can simply arrive as you are.
And sometimes, that alone brings a deep sense of relief.
“I Want to Move Forward, But I Can’t” — Understanding the Brake Inside You
The conflict between the accelerator and the brake
You may know in your head what you “should” do, and yet still feel unable to move.
Please do not call yourself weak because of that.
At times like this, it can feel as if your mind is pressing both the accelerator and the brake at the same time.
For example:
・Work: “I want to find a place where I can work more as myself.”
But also “What if I fail and lose the stability I have now?”
・Parenting: “I want to be calm and kind with my child.”
But also “I am exhausted. I need space. I can’t keep doing this.”
・Relationships: “I want us to talk properly and understand each other.”
But also “What if I get hurt again? What if nothing changes?”
When these feelings pull against each other, your thoughts can go round in circles and leave you emotionally drained.
Your brake is not the enemy
This is something I especially want to say clearly:
Please do not see your brake as the enemy.
The part of you that feels afraid, cautious, or reluctant is often trying to protect you.
It may have learned from past pain, rejection, disappointment, or sheer exhaustion.
Your mind may be saying, “Be careful. I don’t want you to be hurt again.”
When you stop criticising that part of yourself and begin to say, “You were trying to protect me,” something starts to soften.
And that softening can be the beginning of change.
The Psychological Benefits of Putting Feelings into Words
“Can talking really make that much difference?”
If that question feels close to home, there is something important I would like you to know.
From the perspective of psychology and the brain, putting feelings into words can genuinely help us regulate and understand our inner world.
Talking can clear the fog in your mind
When we are overwhelmed, our emotions often feel vague, tangled, and difficult to process.
To the brain, this can become information that feels hard to organise.
When you begin to put your feelings into words, the brain can gradually start making sense of them.
That is one reason why people often say, “I feel clearer after talking.”
Putting emotions into words can also help calm the body’s stress response.
So when you feel lighter after talking, it is not “just in your head” in the dismissive sense. It is a real experience.
In Japanese, there is a beautiful idea that hanasu can mean both “to speak” and “to let go”.
Sometimes, speaking is also a way of releasing.
Counselling helps you return to a steadier inner ground
People sometimes ask, “What is the difference between counselling and coaching?”
If coaching is about helping someone move towards future goals, counselling is often about helping someone steady the ground beneath their feet first.
Counselling is not about forcing you forwards.
It is about creating enough safety for the part of you that has been holding tension for so long to begin to rest.
In psychology, there is a concept called unconditional positive regard.
It may sound technical, but simply put, it means meeting someone with respect and care, without placing conditions on their worth.
“That was frightening, wasn’t it?”
“You were trying not to be hurt again.”
When those quieter inner truths are acknowledged, people often begin to feel less tense, less defended, and more able to breathe.
Finally: Counselling Is a Gentle Way of Not Giving Up on Yourself
Seeking counselling when you are struggling is not defeat.
It is not weakness.
It is a gentle and deeply human way of saying, “I am not going to abandon myself.”
You do not have to keep walking alone in the dark in a faraway country.
It is all right to have someone walk beside you, holding a small light to help you see the ground beneath your feet.
If you can, perhaps allow yourself to set down some of what you have been carrying.
Until your mind begins to find its own rhythm again, you are warmly welcome to come and talk.
🌿 A Small First Step: A Free 30-Minute Online Session
Some of you reading this may still be wondering:
“Can I really talk about something like this?”
“I’m not sure I can explain it properly.”
“My feelings are still all over the place.”
If that is where you are, please know that it is completely all right.
Especially when you have been trying so hard to cope with life abroad, it can feel difficult to reach out.
But you do not need to have everything neatly organised before you speak to someone.
It is all right if you do not fully understand what is wrong.
It is all right if your feelings are still unclear.
It is all right if what you are carrying does not seem “serious enough”.
This free 30-minute online session is a gentle, pressure-free space where you can pause, breathe, and begin to put things into words at your own pace.
It may be helpful if any of these feel familiar:
・You want to talk to someone, but feel hesitant about asking for support
・You are dealing with struggles of living abroad that are hard to explain to family or friends
・You understand things logically, but emotionally you still feel stuck
・You want a calm, neutral space to sort through your feelings
・You would simply like to see what it feels like to talk in a safe and supportive setting
You do not need to say things perfectly.
You do not need to come with a clear conclusion.
You are very welcome exactly as you are.
If a part of you is thinking, “Maybe I’d like to talk to someone,” you are welcome to come and rest here whenever you feel ready.
[🔽 Click here to book your free 30-minute online session]
※If you would simply like to get a sense of the atmosphere first, or if you are still unsure, please feel free to reach out. There is no pressure at all.
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